Parenting is HARD

I had to teach Lilly one of her first difficult life lessons this weekend. Found out she has sticky fingers and she stole a tube of Chapstick at the drug store last week near the register when we were checking out. I found it in the cup holder of her booster seat on Sunday and asked her where it came from. She started crying, saying "I'll be in trouble!" I asked her if someone gave it to her, she said no. Jim asked if she took it from someone, she said no. And then that little voice in my head said "Awww, fuck." So I asked her if she took it from a store and she told me yes.

So we went home, I made her get $2 of her allowance from her bank and we went back to the store so she could pay for it. I told her she was going to have to apologize to the cashier and explain that she stole it from the store and needed to pay for it. She was terrified. When we got into the store she lost it and started crying hysterically. So I told the cashier "We were in here the other day and she took something without paying for it, so she's here to pay for it now." I put the Chapstick on the counter and told Lilly to give the cashier the money for it. The cashier seemed stunned that I was making my child come in and pay for a $1.79 tube of stolen Chapstick. She took the money, gave Lilly the receipt and change and said thank you to me for coming back in. (Lilly had a vice grip on my hand the whole time.)

As we left Lilly was still crying and I asked her "Are you EVER going to steal again?" And she gave me a blubbery "No".

I could have spanked her. I could have grounded her from the computer, any number of things. I think however that embarrassing her and shaming her in public was the proper way to handle this situation. I told her that I wanted her to be embarrassed, and that I wanted to make sure she never, ever did something like this again. She had told me on the way to the store that she didn't want to use her allowance to buy it. I told her she wanted it bad enough to steal it, now she had to pay for it because it was the right thing to do, the only way to make up for what she did. I hope it was the right thing. It felt that way. I didn't scream at her and thought it was important that she realized that even though she did something bad, mommy went with her to make it right and held her hand, literally, while she made an attempt to right her wrong.

And I told her if I ever caught her stealing again I won't take her to stores with me anymore.

She has been super sneaky lately, and I keep catching her at it. First it was wearing jewelry to school, then it was buying extra suckers at school. Now this. I told her that if she does something wrong I will find out. I told her "You are a very smart girl Lilly, but I am smarter. If you do something you aren't supposed to do I WILL find out, because mommies find out about EVERYTHING." Hopefully she'll believe that now.

She asked me this morning if I was still angry with her. I told her I wasn't angry, but I was disappointed because I know that she knows better. And I told her the fact that she was so upset when I found the Chapstick was proof that she knew she was doing something wrong when she stole it. I told her I hope that we never have to have another talk about stealing ever again.

She turns 7 on Friday. I hope we both survive her childhood. She's going to give me gray hair.